I don't really want to share this, but I think I'm supposed to. At church yesterday during worship I asked the Lord to make me more open to Him. I suddenly felt He showed me a place inside me that wasn't His. That I didn't even know was there. A place I created as a child where I would hide myself when things got crazy. Sort of like the garden in "Secret Garden," it helped me survive those years and on into the craziness of my young adult life, when the Lord could have helped me more, had I allowed it. But I wasn't ready to give it up, I guess, or to even let myself see it was there.
Then Pastor Jake spoke. For anyone who wasn't there, he talked about the "other Mary," the sister of Lazarus and Martha. I once wrote about becoming more of a Mary than a Martha. But when I hide myself away in my "safe" place, I'm a Martha all the way.
As Jake told us, now is the time for me to learn to "sit and be still in front of Jesus" (Luke 10:38-42). I need learn to "open up my heart to Jesus" (John 11:32-37). And to "worship in a radical/reckless/not safe new way" (John 12:1-8). It was like God was saying, "I gave Jake this message just for you. And I won't ask you to give something up without putting something way better in its place."
So this is what I had to share. It's scary. But I know, as Pastor Jake said, that God deals with us gently. That secret place had to go. It was safe for a while, but like an abscess, it had become walled off and unhealthy, and it just had to go.
Even if NO ONE reads this, it doesn't really matter. I had to share it is if to say, "Yes, Lord. I'm serious about this. I want to be completely Yours." So at the comfortable age of 52 (almost 53), I'm taking a new baby step again.
Thank God for "Youth Pastor Gets To Speak In Big Church Day"!
Monday, December 31, 2007
Saturday, December 29, 2007
New Year's Re-Solution
The New Year is upon us and I’ve been thinking about the whole New Year’s resolution thing. I’m really looking forward to our upcoming series at church, “New Year’s Revolution.” Note I said REVOLUTION not RESOLUTION. I don’t usually do too well with resolutions, either with making them or keeping them once made. How about you?
There was one point before I’d gotten a handle on my fibromyalgia, when I felt God told me just to make my bed. Every day, even if I couldn’t do anything else, just make my bed. I think the timing was around New Year's so it became a kind of New Year’s resolution. There were days when literally that was all I could do, and it might take me an hour, at that. But it was smart (yes, folks, God IS smart!), because at least I felt that I’d accomplished SOMETHING, and if all I could do then was climb back into bed, it was a made one. Plus, I used to be lazy about making the bed even on good days. It’s so much nicer to come home from work and find the bed is made.
And Michael likes to help. Which is always a timely reminder for me that everything doesn’t REALLY have to be perfectly straight!
Regarding the NYR thing I was thinking about my cat, Spike (who just jumped onto my lap). I took him in for his annual checkup a few weeks ago and got the usual lecture about brushing his teeth. Having no intention of actually doing so, I failed to ask how that might be accomplished, but really, how do you brush a cat’s teeth? Hey doc, there’s a reason his name is Spike, you know?
I picture getting him into a giant tube sock type-thing with just his head sticking out. Then sitting on him… gently… and wearing those thick leather welding gloves my husband uses, I could try prying his jaws apart, and then stick a little rubber ball in between his front sharp teeth and go for the back ones. With that tuna-flavored toothpaste they actually make. Is this what God had in mind when He made us stewards over the living creatures? I’m not so sure. Plus, after that, the cat would probably go into hiding for the rest of the year, so there’d go that resolution.
For me, the resolution thing is just kind of a set-up for failure. I think God has graced us with every new day being a NEW DAY! I don’t know about you, but I can’t really take life in year-size bites. Day-size ones are enough of a challenge, and I’m guessing God knows this about us. “THIS is the day that the Lord has made; Let us rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalm 118:24, emphasis mine.) How about a New Day’s resolution? TODAY I will rejoice and be glad!
And NOT brush Spike’s teeth! (He made me add that last bit.)
There was one point before I’d gotten a handle on my fibromyalgia, when I felt God told me just to make my bed. Every day, even if I couldn’t do anything else, just make my bed. I think the timing was around New Year's so it became a kind of New Year’s resolution. There were days when literally that was all I could do, and it might take me an hour, at that. But it was smart (yes, folks, God IS smart!), because at least I felt that I’d accomplished SOMETHING, and if all I could do then was climb back into bed, it was a made one. Plus, I used to be lazy about making the bed even on good days. It’s so much nicer to come home from work and find the bed is made.
And Michael likes to help. Which is always a timely reminder for me that everything doesn’t REALLY have to be perfectly straight!
Regarding the NYR thing I was thinking about my cat, Spike (who just jumped onto my lap). I took him in for his annual checkup a few weeks ago and got the usual lecture about brushing his teeth. Having no intention of actually doing so, I failed to ask how that might be accomplished, but really, how do you brush a cat’s teeth? Hey doc, there’s a reason his name is Spike, you know?
I picture getting him into a giant tube sock type-thing with just his head sticking out. Then sitting on him… gently… and wearing those thick leather welding gloves my husband uses, I could try prying his jaws apart, and then stick a little rubber ball in between his front sharp teeth and go for the back ones. With that tuna-flavored toothpaste they actually make. Is this what God had in mind when He made us stewards over the living creatures? I’m not so sure. Plus, after that, the cat would probably go into hiding for the rest of the year, so there’d go that resolution.
For me, the resolution thing is just kind of a set-up for failure. I think God has graced us with every new day being a NEW DAY! I don’t know about you, but I can’t really take life in year-size bites. Day-size ones are enough of a challenge, and I’m guessing God knows this about us. “THIS is the day that the Lord has made; Let us rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalm 118:24, emphasis mine.) How about a New Day’s resolution? TODAY I will rejoice and be glad!
And NOT brush Spike’s teeth! (He made me add that last bit.)
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Assassination
It has not been my intention to make this a political blog. At all. But neither am I unaware of what goes on in the world. How can I claim to pray about what's on God's heart if I bury my head in the sand? Well, I think I can't. If He cares about the world, so must I.
As most of you probably know by now, former Pakistani Prime Mister Benazir Bhutto was assassinated today. I've been hearing the spins all day, and I question everything, if you haven't noticed by now. What I think is this: What a challenge for the current Pakistani leader, President Pervez Musharraf. Please pray for him!
My prayer is that God will be glorified in this unforeseen (by us) turn of events. Whatever you may have thought of her politically (if you've thought of her at all), she was beautiful, full of life, full of dreams for her people. And I'm sad that she died.
Please pray. This is big, and its effects could reach far, into your life, into my life, into the lives of our children. Really.
Book-O-Rama
I'm a fool for books. Especially books about prayer. My husband, Michael, makes fun of me about it. Well, he makes fun of me about a lot of things, but my book thing is high on the list. I just counted six books that were on my bedside table (meaning I'm "reading" them) when I was stashing messes at Christmastime. All Christian nonfiction books. When I was pulling out presents to wrap I found stashes and stashes of other books I haven't cracked and have no other place for. I'm like an alcoholic who hides his bottles in the toilet tank. I'd stash books there if they just wouldn't get so dang soggy.
If Pastor Dave quotes a book on Sunday, I write the title in the margin of my note-taking sheet. Michael tries to slap the pen out of my hand. BUT! Two of my favorite books that I actually DID get through came from that venue: The Barbarian Way by Erwin Raphael McManus, and Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. I loved them both. I tried to get my daughter to read them. I knew she'd love them, too. Helpful hint: You can give someone a book, but you can't make them read it. Hey, it works both ways. I lot of my stash consists of books others have given me that I've yet to read.
Anyway, I picked up another new/old book the other day that I want to start. It's Prayer: Does It Make Any Difference? by Philip Yancey, another of my favorite authors. Tried to get my daughter to read Rumors of Another World by the same guy, but no go!
So anyway, I'm going to start this book and I hope to share with you from it along the way.
I literally just now opened it and Part One is called "Keeping Company with God." Wasn't that a quote from Pastor Dave a few posts back? Another "coincidence"? Or a jab in my spiritual side that I'm on the right track? And under the section title is this quote, which I'll leave you with:
If Pastor Dave quotes a book on Sunday, I write the title in the margin of my note-taking sheet. Michael tries to slap the pen out of my hand. BUT! Two of my favorite books that I actually DID get through came from that venue: The Barbarian Way by Erwin Raphael McManus, and Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. I loved them both. I tried to get my daughter to read them. I knew she'd love them, too. Helpful hint: You can give someone a book, but you can't make them read it. Hey, it works both ways. I lot of my stash consists of books others have given me that I've yet to read.
Anyway, I picked up another new/old book the other day that I want to start. It's Prayer: Does It Make Any Difference? by Philip Yancey, another of my favorite authors. Tried to get my daughter to read Rumors of Another World by the same guy, but no go!
So anyway, I'm going to start this book and I hope to share with you from it along the way.
I literally just now opened it and Part One is called "Keeping Company with God." Wasn't that a quote from Pastor Dave a few posts back? Another "coincidence"? Or a jab in my spiritual side that I'm on the right track? And under the section title is this quote, which I'll leave you with:
"For prayer exists, no question about that. It is the peculiarly human
response to the fact of this endless mystery of bliss and brutality, impersonal
might and lyric intimacy that composes our experience of life." -- Patricia Hampl
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
There's Got To Be a Morning After
Here we are, the day AFTER Christmas. The day when all manner of gifts are exchanged, and “Are you ready for Christmas?” is exchanged for, “How was your Christmas?” “Great!” I always answer. Some years that’s truer than others. Usually the great thing for me is that it’s over.
I’ve shared my grinchiness on this blog before, but it isn’t that. It’s just that, well, it’s a lot of work. No matter how “ready” I am (and this year I never did get EVERYthing done), it’s still a ton of work. My husband loves to cook… for an army. Any army will do. Well, at least he likes the idea of it. When it comes right down to doing it, he’s always surprised at what a lot of work it really is. Thanksgiving it was a turkey. Deep fried. When that was a success, he had to do a couple or ten more. We gave away tons and still had leftovers.
Yesterday it was a prime rib. And the day before it was a prime rib. We did a 20-pound prime rib for the shop employees on Christmas Eve, plus the side dishes, and a 16-pounder yesterday. My husband does ALL the work. I just have to help him hold and turn the prime rib for the coating, stick the dumajiggy under it when that’s done, open the oven door, make sure (on hands and knees) that the gas comes up all the way. (The stove’s an old Wedgewood, so cooking on it’s kind of a crapshoot, anyway. Sorry if that word offends. It’s a normal word in our house.) Then hold it while he carves it. It’s an oddly shaped piece of meat till you cut the ribs off. And just generally try to keep up with the dishes (you got it, no dishwasher) throughout the whole process, while I microwave/stir/open/put away/get out/clear off/set up/carry in/whatever this or that. As I said, he does all the work. So I have time to clean and wrap those last minute gifts. Which for me was all of them. Not buying last minute, just the wrapping.
And of course I learned a few things. I learned that if you give your grown kids money for Christmas, they may use it to pay you back money they owe you, so think about how much you really want to give them. I learned that the world really DOESN’T come to an end if I don’t get everything done. And I was reminded of how much we really, REALLY love our kids, and how that doesn’t even make a drop in the bucket of God’s love for us. And that God is so very THERE in every detail, moment and minutia of life. He really makes me feel like I CAN do anything. Christmas? That’s NOTHING! Bring on the next army, I’m ready! (Did I really just say that?)
I’ve shared my grinchiness on this blog before, but it isn’t that. It’s just that, well, it’s a lot of work. No matter how “ready” I am (and this year I never did get EVERYthing done), it’s still a ton of work. My husband loves to cook… for an army. Any army will do. Well, at least he likes the idea of it. When it comes right down to doing it, he’s always surprised at what a lot of work it really is. Thanksgiving it was a turkey. Deep fried. When that was a success, he had to do a couple or ten more. We gave away tons and still had leftovers.
Yesterday it was a prime rib. And the day before it was a prime rib. We did a 20-pound prime rib for the shop employees on Christmas Eve, plus the side dishes, and a 16-pounder yesterday. My husband does ALL the work. I just have to help him hold and turn the prime rib for the coating, stick the dumajiggy under it when that’s done, open the oven door, make sure (on hands and knees) that the gas comes up all the way. (The stove’s an old Wedgewood, so cooking on it’s kind of a crapshoot, anyway. Sorry if that word offends. It’s a normal word in our house.) Then hold it while he carves it. It’s an oddly shaped piece of meat till you cut the ribs off. And just generally try to keep up with the dishes (you got it, no dishwasher) throughout the whole process, while I microwave/stir/open/put away/get out/clear off/set up/carry in/whatever this or that. As I said, he does all the work. So I have time to clean and wrap those last minute gifts. Which for me was all of them. Not buying last minute, just the wrapping.
And of course I learned a few things. I learned that if you give your grown kids money for Christmas, they may use it to pay you back money they owe you, so think about how much you really want to give them. I learned that the world really DOESN’T come to an end if I don’t get everything done. And I was reminded of how much we really, REALLY love our kids, and how that doesn’t even make a drop in the bucket of God’s love for us. And that God is so very THERE in every detail, moment and minutia of life. He really makes me feel like I CAN do anything. Christmas? That’s NOTHING! Bring on the next army, I’m ready! (Did I really just say that?)
Monday, December 24, 2007
A Christmas Eve Perspective
I work in a hospital. Here I am at work. It's my dinner break, so I'm not breaking any rules by blogging on work time. But yes, Virginia, I have to work on Christmas Eve. Until 10:00 p.m. Is that the pits?
Well, I could be a patient in the hospital rather than an employee. I could be having to work tomorrow, as well. I could be unemployed.
I could be traveling hundreds of miles to be with family. And dreading it. Instead, family is coming to me and I'm loving it.
I could be fearful of what the New Year will bring. Instead I'm expectant. No, I don't know what the future holds, but as the saying goes, I know Who holds the future. What a huge difference that makes.
So life isn't perfect at the moment. My presents still aren't all wrapped and I've got tons left to do. But except for last Thursday's meltdown, I've stressed less this Christmas than any other in recent memory. I know it's not Thanksgiving. But thankful is how I feel. And very loved.
That the Father so loved me, and all of us, that He sent His Son to be born into a fallen world so in need of hope.
This night feels magic to me, even here at work. Like I remember as a child attending midnight mass at the Catholic church and riding home in the still and quiet of the most special of nights.
A blessed Christmas to you, and as someone wished me recently, may the New Year bring you an energized spirit, a contemplative soul, and a joyous outlook. I like that!
Well, I could be a patient in the hospital rather than an employee. I could be having to work tomorrow, as well. I could be unemployed.
I could be traveling hundreds of miles to be with family. And dreading it. Instead, family is coming to me and I'm loving it.
I could be fearful of what the New Year will bring. Instead I'm expectant. No, I don't know what the future holds, but as the saying goes, I know Who holds the future. What a huge difference that makes.
So life isn't perfect at the moment. My presents still aren't all wrapped and I've got tons left to do. But except for last Thursday's meltdown, I've stressed less this Christmas than any other in recent memory. I know it's not Thanksgiving. But thankful is how I feel. And very loved.
That the Father so loved me, and all of us, that He sent His Son to be born into a fallen world so in need of hope.
This night feels magic to me, even here at work. Like I remember as a child attending midnight mass at the Catholic church and riding home in the still and quiet of the most special of nights.
A blessed Christmas to you, and as someone wished me recently, may the New Year bring you an energized spirit, a contemplative soul, and a joyous outlook. I like that!
Friday, December 21, 2007
Lion and Mouse
Yesterday was a good day. It was a day that the Lord had made. But for me it started with a major meltdown.
I thought it was about Christmas and all that I needed to get done. My dear friend, Dixie, prayed over me on the phone, and as the day progressed I realized the meltdown was mostly, if not completely, about two other things.
Pastor Dave described prayer as "keeping company with God." I like that. But keeping company with God can, well, change you. He rubs off on you and you find yourself doing some new things, or old things in new ways.
This week I confronted someone head-on about some very wrong doctrines. I don't do that a lot (ever!). But this had gone on and on and was getting worse, with pronouncements on everyone who didn't agree as "apostate," and I heard the Lord say "enough!" The reaction I got started with turning me over to the Lord and having nothing to do with me ever again .... which I was pretty okay with ... to "you just misinterpreted what I was saying, we're really in complete agreement." That I was not okay with. Mission not accomplished!
But the one that bothered me more was this: I had felt compelled to make amends to someone I had sort of abandoned a few months back, and I e-mailed my apology, e-mail being the only way I have of reaching her. I expected to hear back promptly that all was forgiven, but I've heard nothing. I realize she may not have even seen the e-mail yet, but of course, I'm convinced she can't forgive me, which is of course her right and no less than I deserve. And I love and miss her.
Sidenote: JFYI neither of these people goes to our church or is even from around here.
So there's me. The lion and the mouse. God showed me this morning that I have to learn that when I do the right thing, lion-wise OR mouse-wise, I must leave the results with Him. He brought to my mind the story of Elijah, who ran away after he had the great victory against the prophets of Baal (1Kings 18 and 19). Not in my case so much about the victory, but the part about hiding in the cave afterward. And God says, "What are you doing here, Elijah?" You should read it and see how he WHINES!! I think I whine better.
So I'll just be keeping company with God today and leaving that cave, and all my fretting, behind. If you think about me today, please pray for me!
This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it!
I thought it was about Christmas and all that I needed to get done. My dear friend, Dixie, prayed over me on the phone, and as the day progressed I realized the meltdown was mostly, if not completely, about two other things.
Pastor Dave described prayer as "keeping company with God." I like that. But keeping company with God can, well, change you. He rubs off on you and you find yourself doing some new things, or old things in new ways.
This week I confronted someone head-on about some very wrong doctrines. I don't do that a lot (ever!). But this had gone on and on and was getting worse, with pronouncements on everyone who didn't agree as "apostate," and I heard the Lord say "enough!" The reaction I got started with turning me over to the Lord and having nothing to do with me ever again .... which I was pretty okay with ... to "you just misinterpreted what I was saying, we're really in complete agreement." That I was not okay with. Mission not accomplished!
But the one that bothered me more was this: I had felt compelled to make amends to someone I had sort of abandoned a few months back, and I e-mailed my apology, e-mail being the only way I have of reaching her. I expected to hear back promptly that all was forgiven, but I've heard nothing. I realize she may not have even seen the e-mail yet, but of course, I'm convinced she can't forgive me, which is of course her right and no less than I deserve. And I love and miss her.
Sidenote: JFYI neither of these people goes to our church or is even from around here.
So there's me. The lion and the mouse. God showed me this morning that I have to learn that when I do the right thing, lion-wise OR mouse-wise, I must leave the results with Him. He brought to my mind the story of Elijah, who ran away after he had the great victory against the prophets of Baal (1Kings 18 and 19). Not in my case so much about the victory, but the part about hiding in the cave afterward. And God says, "What are you doing here, Elijah?" You should read it and see how he WHINES!! I think I whine better.
So I'll just be keeping company with God today and leaving that cave, and all my fretting, behind. If you think about me today, please pray for me!
This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)