Bump in the Road

There's something so doable about sameness. I'm so sorry to keep making everything be about me, but I feel I need to explain about not blogging so much lately. And not keeping up on everyone else's blogs like I'd like to.

It's ever since losing my job. I don't feel depressed or worried... just different. Nothing really appears to have changed much in my life, other than the person signing my paychecks. I work the same basic days. I sit at the same workstation (for now, but that's to change). I eat lunch with the same people (except for others who are gone and I miss so much).

But at the same time everything feels eerily different. My life, at least for the short-term, is now more or less defined by what has happened. Almost like how everyone remembers where they were and what they were doing when they heard about 9/11. But it's just my own private 9/11. Every event in recent memory gets automatically (but consciously) put into pre- or post-job loss status, and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do about that.

Life just seems to take a lot more energy, and I'm not sure why, exactly. It's such a minor bump in the road compared to what could be. And compared to things I've dealt with in the past. I trust there will come a time when my laundry and housework are again done on a regular basis. When I don't wake up and realize I haven't watered my plants in nearly two weeks. (Some plants will forgive this, some will not.) Or blogged about anything other than myself in who knows how long!

In the meantime, I find myself very thankful for the privilege of being able to keep up a steady dialogue with the Lord through this time. He sustains me and gives me peace. He calms the little storms of frustration at learning new systems, policies and procedures. And reminds me that by no means did my future fall from His hand when my job went bye-bye.

My little bump in the road, while bringing its bit of angst, also feels like I've hit a sacred time in my life. I'm learning big new things, taking a Big Girl Pill now and then, and continuing to grow up. That's in no way a bad thing!